Here

So, life is definitely happening...LOL!! I really can't complain though. There have been a lot of downs, but my ups really do surpass them. Lately, a lot has been flowing through this head of mine (which is nothing new)! I figured, why not share. So, years ago, I prayed for the opportunity to trust God more and to be in a place where I could encourage others as well as grow. Let me tell you, I am in a place now where I am being allowed what I prayed for. When you hear that saying, "be careful what you pray for", you definitely should. Where I am is far from where I intended...key word 'I'. When praying for something and it has been a long time in between that prayer, sometimes we forget or just conclude that the answer was 'no'. It is not necessarily a no, it could be a wait. So, right now I am at a rough/tough patch which seems impossible to me because I know that I can't do it on my own...which in turn is allowing me to "TRULY' trust God. See, sometimes we think trusting God is related to getting where we need to go or getting what we asked for...which those are things we trust Him for but to be in circumstances where you know that without Him there is absolutely no way you'll ever come up from your down....y'all, I promise it will have you in a place where you have no choice but to trust Him. We usually go to others instead of Him but when you know that regardless of who you go to, you'll still be at square 1! For the past couple weeks, I have been praying for peace in my situation. I GOT IT. It's an indescribable feeling to be in a place of pure chaos and uncertainty and be at peace, only God can give. Today my daily scripture and daily Psalms were from the same chapter which is Psalms 37: (3) Trust in the Lord, and do good; dwell in the land and befriend faithfulness. (4) Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. .....I was like WOW! After all these years, I concluded that maybe He felt like I was good in the trusting Him department...lol (oh the things that go in my head)! Y'all I am telling you, it is a wonderful journey, you see what God has done for others and when you're allowed the opportunity to truly put all you have in God, the One that gave His all for us....it is a remarkable experience. Instead of complaining about being HERE, I am taking it all in...learning that being where you are helpless, uncertain, ,etc...is not necessarily a bad thing. In brokenness, God has the opportunity to make us whole...it puts us in a place where we can be made new. So, I kinda like being HERE, at this point in my life...I never thought I would ever say that because I am a planner, I like things in order but sometimes that's what presents us from experiencing the life He planned for us. Your HERE is not your always, but while you're in your HERE, appreciate it, thank God for it...and realize that He would never allow you to go through something without leading you out.
Until next time...
LOVES & HUGS

In the Midst of My Mess

Wow! It's been forever since I've written a blog. I really don't know where to start?! I have been contemplating for months on whether or I not I should share this season because initially the blog was focused on trying to maintain positive as well as keeping the faith. I did not have any idea that I would be where I am now. Many think that once the journey of Christianity is started it eliminates the hard times. Let me tell you...it's not true. It was not my thinking but my life has drastically changed in the time I first started the blog til now. When I set on my journey I was definitely focused on religion and rules because that is what I was exposed to. This past year and a half has definitely pushed me to focus more on my relationship with God instead. In the midst of my mess is where I truly learned to rely solely on Him. I realized that sometimes struggle is used to push me out of my comfort zone. Let me tell you, I've been getting pushed a whole lot. It's one thing to say that you rely and trust God, but when you're faced with opposition coming from every side...those words must come to play. I believe that is why I haven't written in so long. I have been in a place where I have been learning, growing, and really focusing on doing just that. Life since college graduation has definitely been a roller coaster. There has been more downs than ups but God is revealing Himself in so many ways. He is also introducing me to myself. It's crazy how you think you have life all figured out and God shows up and you realize you've been an actor in the world's play. This past year and a half it seems like everything that could go wrong has, but it's allowing me to grow in areas I prayed about years before. So, never think God doesn't hear you, He absolutely does. A lot of the circumstances in my life right now is allowing me to know God better. To be honest, I am not going to be able to get out of some of them without Him. I have realized over time that God is always the first and only option.
I say He is the first and only option because I have gone to (wo)man first to be turned down. I have learned that everyone is not rooting for you. But that doesn't mean you stop there. I learned that before any decisions are made I should pray. In the midst of my mess, I am learning that life is just beginning...because to be honest I thought I had arrived and God sat me down real quick...lol. I have a long way to go. I am far from where I thought I would be, sometimes it actually looks like my chances at having a life outside of student loan debt and continuously looking for job is slim to none...but God is always working. Last week, I told I did not have any options regarding one of SL's and normally I would cry (for those who know me) but I was at peace. I finally understood what it was like to place something in God's hand and leave it there. I understand that my mess will one day be a message to touch someone. So, I believe I can safely say that I can do this. I will share not only the good moments but the bad as well. Everyday is not always sunny but the rain does not last always.
I look forward to sharing with you all, me! After all, that's the only person I am good at being. Watch me grow and hopefully see something to help you as well.
Until next time. Lots of love and know you're not traveling alone.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Mirror, Mirror.....

We have all been witnesses or hearers of the saying, "mirror, mirror on the wall..." I asked myself this months ago. It has been months since I've written a blog. I normally would write what was on my heart and what I've overcome or what I saw others dealing with. This past year in itself has demanded self evaluations, isolation, and renewal mentally, spiritually, and physically.

When most people in look in the mirror, they're looking to apply makeup, check their outfits, comb/brush their hair, etc. I realized that people rarely (myself included) ask themselves, "How are you?" We go about our daily lives living and we neglect the house that shelters the spirit. When I first started blogging, it was about keeping it positive and keeping the faith and I still believe that we must maintain a positive outlook on life as well as remain strong in our faith. This past year has taught me the very meaning of those words. I don't have time to blog about everything today, but lets just say if I allowed my feelings to control anything, I would be bitter, hopeless, doubtful, hateful and just mad. Truthfully, there were times I would wonder, 'What in the world are you doing?', "What was all of this for?' I did go through a period of depression where it just seemed like the world was closing in because I allowed everything I saw when I looked in the mirror to take back seat to what people needed. Sometimes we neglect ourselves for others, duties, busyness, recognition, and a host of other things. When we look in the mirror, we can see that we're tired and that we need to work on ourselves but we keep pushing until we're forced into an area that causes us to evaluate where we are.

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines a mirror as a(n):

:a polished or smooth surface (as of glass) that forms images by reflection
:something that gives a true representation
:an exemplary model


When we all glance or gaze in a mirror we see ourselves. Many of us are focused on the surface more than the core. I learned through almost of year of evaluations that there is so much growing for me to do. I learned that my happiness cannot be wrapped in others but in God alone. I learned that a mirror is not only there for me to check and see if I look good, it's for me to actually take time and work on myself. It's not about if your butt looks big, how do I look in this dress, do you think my makeup looks good...because you take all of that off. When you look in the mirror do you love who you see? I loved what I was doing and who I was to others but I wasn't loving on me enough. You must always take care of home first. You can't help anyone if you're not in a position to.

Mirror, Mirror on the wall...is funny now that I'm growing because many take the concept of looking good when they're not feeling good on the inside...I for one don't want to fake it until I make it...I want to be there. So I had to look at myself and get myself together. The mirror is your best friend, it tells you the truth, it forces you to change for the better (or at least I hope), it allows you to see what everyone sees on the outside while knowing how you feel on the inside.

There will always be something that needs to be done. There will always be something that needs to be said. There will always be room to grow and repair. There will always be time to check yourself. Don't allow your mirror to retire, let it do its job. :)

Pinky Swear

Promised that you could stand under my umbrella but then the rain came. We didn't weather the storm so the wind blew us in separate ways. No foundation left the building demolished. Tears fallen left us salty. Outside looking in made inside go further out. Thoughts went into overdrive, different ppl changed our lives. To win meant to try. Set the date from when it first begin. I would know now what I didn't know then...way back when. When familiar faces were still familiar. When I knew that I knew before the truth set us free...you and me...we. I mean you and I now strangers from the aftermath no addition just division. Subtracted from our actions put in the negative from words left unspoken because hearts were broken. You know many photographs. Tons of laughs. Secrets told. No one knows. See when it's hard to let go of egos, it's adios amigos. Spanish but no Dora. Heartbeat beating harder. With too much pride comes collision. When both of us lose there is no winner. Yep, said the sun would shine forever, forever quickly faded. Saying we'd always have each other became a little bit fabricated. Play with fire can result in a burn. Can't wait around to see whose turn it is to begin where it ended. I promised you could stand under my umbrella, the storm came and we were blown away by the weather. With time we grow & fetter better. Where forever ends never. Foundation established, the building rebuilt. This time...there's no option to quit.

xoxo
Vilater

First Thing First

Matthew 6:33 (KJV) “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

    When we think about life, there is a long list of to do’s and things on our calendar that takes away all of our time.  We were given instruction to seek God first and things would be added.  Meaning time, things, people, etc.  I can personally speak for myself.  For the longest I sought after people, accomplishments, and accolades to validate who I am.  I thought okay if I am surrounded by all of this, my life is complete.  There was still an urging for more.  When you take away all of those things, you are still left with an emptiness that cannot be filled.  I would drink my pain away, while some thought I was having a good time.  It’s amazing what a smile will hide.  I allowed myself to become the last person I worried about.  I was too concerned with keeping people and getting things and I was losing me.  Crazy what a little time with God will do.  When I started to seek God, it is amazing what God did and what He still is doing.  He healed a broken heart, He has given me some amazing people (people I prayed for a long time ago), He has opened so many doors and blessed me with so many wonderful opportunities.

   Through all my mess, I knew God. I did not go to church like I ought to, I didn’t pray and read my Bible like I was taught, because I thought I could handle it all.  LOL…I was so wrong.  When you carrying everything in your life that has ever happened on your back it weighs you; but that’s before I read Matthews 11:28-30: (NIV) “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” 
   I created my mess and I was drowning in it. I knew I didn't have to but I kept on doing what I knew wasn’t me just to keep that feeling of belonging.  That’s why I stress the point now of not losing yourself.  When you lose you, you’re losing so much.  But the beauty in that is, when you seek God, He introduces you to yourself. J I never thought I would be where I am now.  A lot of people still judge me based on decisions I made then, and I really cannot do anything about their decision to stay where I was when I am striving to go other places.  What is crazy though, is when I was in my mess weighed down with everything that had ever happened, I pushed many people away. The time when most would love to have people around; I thought I could handle it on my own.  Those who know me, know how I am with that…lol. I am better now. I learned that you shouldn't make the same mistake twice. I allowed myself to fault others because of previous people in my life. I was hesitant about every relationship I was introduced to; because in my mind it would all end the same. But when I gave everything over to God…I could walk a littler straighter, I could smile every day, words hurt but they didn’t hinder, I opened up (and I got some amazing people through it), I wanted to encourage others more…the list goes on. 

  By seeking God, my whole life has changed. I understand that my situations are temporary. I take time for my relationship with Him daily.  He helps keep me grounded and together. I am still a work in progress but He consistently gives me His all.  I fill my thoughts with His words about me and not what others say. He helps me realize the importance in myself as well as others. It’s a lifestyle now that has turned into my life which is a beautiful thing.  Every day is not going to be sunshine and rainbows but you don’t have to face it alone.  I understand now, my temporary situations are just those, temporary. I depend on Him and He keeps me. I look forward to this journey and I look forward to learning more and sharing more.

  Thanks to all the people who help me with my walk with God.  For those who share countless stories and hold me accountable; I thank God for each of you.

Until next blog, be blessed.

xoxo

Vilater 

In The Middle

It’s been a long time since I’ve written a blog.  So much has happened during this time.  I experienced one of the most unexplainable feelings; I graduated from college in December.  It is still surreal, I feel so extremely blessed for the opportunity.  Since then, things are totally different than what I initially planned.  ß Realize I said “what I initially planned”.  At that point and time my whole life was together, which it is not. LOL.  I planned where I would be, what I would be doing, etc…and I ended up back in the place where I swore to myself I would never be….home.  Don’t get me wrong, I love where I grew up, but it was not my desire to return home.  In my mind, I was supposed to have my own, especially after graduating college.  Hmm…I left the environment I had embraced as my home for five years, to come back home where home was new.  Everything was different.  The people, places, and even some things were.  I came back in normal Vilater style, excited.  Although it was not what I expected, I believe that everything happens for a reason.  I was excited because I completed college, which seemed impossible through the years. I was also excited because I would get the opportunity to catch up with people in my life.  Missing out on things for years with the exception of maybe a couple months a year can be hard.  Life goes on and although you are thought about, you miss the actual happenings in the lives of others.  Me being me, I don’t dwell on what I missed out on; I focus on the opportunities at hand.  So I believed that it was time to make memories.  I was aware I could not make up for the time I wasn’t here, but I could create new memories and make time for now. Little did I know so much would take place?  Since I’ve been back I’ve experienced death, rejection, isolation, uncertainty, unbelief, surprises, rebirth, restoration and growth.  Those are just a few of the things.  I came not expecting thing, because I learned from many times before, my life is not my own. I can plan, but God’s plan will always prevail. Oh, tears have been shed, because of the disbelief that I made it this far not only from other but myself. Life is an everyday battle to stay on this journey with God.  If I have learned anything these last several months, it’s that when you’re able to still look up to Him in the middle of all that is going around you, you will survive.  I know it can be difficult, but I promise you it is not impossible.  In the middle of what you see, you know that God sees further than what you can, so you can trust that He already has a solution to your upcoming problem.  People ask me how can I smile now, how can I be happy with all that I have on my plate.  They bring up that I am unemployed, I am in debt from school, and I am at home.  I learned to not let that bother me, because I know that God that I serve and I am continually acting out on my faith. I had to be put in a situation where I had no choice but to trust God and allow others to bless me. ß Those that know me know that the trusting God part comes easy, but allowing others to do anything for me was where I struggled.  Not because of pride, but I enjoy being on the giving on and not the receiving so much.  For the past several months, that’s where I’ve been…I’ve tried to be reluctant but the people in my life have a tendency of doing what they want to do anyways.  I am a living witness that in the middle of it all God has you.  I can admit that my life is nowhere near what I expected, but I never expected I would be here or make it this far….so I thank God for that.  In the middle, I got back to when I first found God.  My love for Him grows daily.  He is revealing me to myself.  I am looking forward to what He has in store.  If it be His will I will be 26, July 10 and by then I do believe I will be working and paying off school. In the middle of what may come, in the middle of right now….I know one thing God is God.  Even when I am inconsistent, He is consistent. So, as Isaac Carree song says, I’ll praise Him anyways….IN THE MIDDLE OF IT. Until the next time…have a blessed day. Know that God will bring you though. Never look down when faced with adversity, LOOK UP.

© 2012VilaterSGreen

Timeless....

God, graduation, love, family, friends, missing, heart-broken, death, confusion, misplaced, uncertainty, happiness, sadness, joy, lost, searching, hunger, fulfillment, purpose, plan, helpless, different, new, old,  nerve wrecking, still, patient  and so on….

Those are words to describe the last two weeks since graduation.  It hasn’t been more or less than the other but a compilation of all of those words.  Before graduation I planned to have everything together how I thought they should be, but that was not the plan for me.  Slowly things were coming together and I took everything as signs because in my heart I had decided that is what I wanted.  I was reminded that sometimes we decide on things based on how we feel and not really based on what God has set out for us.  I am blessed to have people in my life to feed and invest in me the same things I try to feed and invest in others.  If we ask God to lead us, we must be willing to follow regardless if the outcome is what we expected or not.  I never thought I would be at this moment right now, but I’m here.  I know that everything takes time.  I once heard a man say, “I wish I had time just to speak about time”.  If you think about it, it makes sense.  I am normally on a schedule and since graduation I have yet to have a full schedule.  Of course I’ve made time to give my resumes and attend doctor appointments.  But I really have coasted the past couple of weeks. 

I don’t know if I am the only one, but when I have too much time….I spend it thinking about any and everything.  I came back to where I was born and raised and so much is different.  It is like stepping into a new world.  I had determined to make a life for myself & to venture out on my own.  Low and behold there was another plan.  I have spent the past two weeks trying to figure it out.  With all that has happened in the short span of time…I finally realized that I was going about everything wrong.  Instead of praying and asking God what I should do; I was praying and telling God what I wanted to do.  I know it is okay to ask God for things, but in the same breath I would say God allow me to be obedient to your will.  If you would have been around me leading up to graduation…you would have known how stressed I was…LOL.  I had an amazing support system throughout the whole time and I still could not rest to save my life.  I was asking God to prepare me for His will when I was actually hoping that He worked things out just the way I wanted them.  It is amazing what you realize when you have the time to think about it.  I was so afraid of leaving behind everything that had become my other home in.  I have to tell you all, that God has placed some amazing people in my life there.  I told my family here about them all the time.  My fear of losing what I had gained took over.  Then I was reminded that life now was different before and that God had given me these people I just didn’t choose them.  It makes a difference when God is supplying you with what you need. 

All in all, I have been trying to figure out my purpose for returning to the place I thought would become a vacationing spot for me.  I may not know now, but I know that I will be doing what God says and not what Vilater wants to do.  It has been a rollercoaster since returning.  I am missing a great deal of people and my nuggets. ;) But I am reminded that I am blessed to have them to miss.  I do however have my wonderful family here that continues to keep me grounded through it all.   Everything is totally different but God is still the same.  Regardless of what is happening around me…I know now that nothing just happens.  God has orchestrated my life as well as yours.  He will see you through every situation that you are enduring.  You may not know now, but I promise it will all make sense later.  I am trusting in Him. After all I am still here and it had nothing to do with my behavior or deeds.  I cannot tell you how to trust Him, it is something that we must all learn to do. But I can promise you that you will never be disappointed when it comes to Him. God is timeless….